Post Departure Post: Melodrama, party of one, saying goodbye to Dublin

For the past week and a half, I have struggled with the idea of putting my study abroad experience into words. Being back in my suburban home in Cleveland, Ohio, my four and a half months in Ireland are already starting to feel like a dream. When the U. S. customs officer said "Welcome home, I'm sure you've been missed" after clearing Customs Pre-Clearance in the Dublin airport, I couldn't help but feel like I was in my own sad, melodramatic movie. I was an actress in the clichéd leaving scene where I pondered whether I was really coming home or leaving it, "insert dramatic voice over and one last glimpse at the Dublin hills here". I spent my last day in Dublin walking around the city and gazing longingly at all of the places I would miss. The gray skies added an aura of melancholy to my already distraught nature, and played right into my leaving blues. As I boarded the plane and we took off, I got my last glimpse at the beautiful greenery of Ireland, and what had become my home for four beautiful months. Keeping with the melodramatic theme, "I should live in salt for leaving you, behind" crooned by The National was blaring through my headphones as I got my last views of Ireland. 19 hours and one breakdown in the Pittsburg airport later (my flight got diverted at the last minute and we had to fly to Pittsburgh instead of Cleveland, extending my travel time for several hours), I was back in Cleveland, Ohio, relegated to grappling with what it meant to be back home after the long journey I had taken.

It is in this context that I sit here today attempting to put into words what my semester in Ireland meant to me. In my very first study abroad blog post I wrote, 

"With studying abroad, however, it is more like you are standing on a precipice waiting to free fall into the abyss of self discovery; waiting, to embark on an adventure, the course of which you could not possibly predict, and that you will not know until you’ve boarded your return flight home." 

Reflecting back on these words, it makes me realize that while I now know what the course of that adventure was, I still cannot know all of the ways that it has affected me. I know I will never be the same after my four months in Ireland, and I know I will never be able to talk about Ireland without a sense of longing for that country which showed me so much about its people and places, but also helped me to discover so much about myself. It was on the Dublin streets that I first realized the rush of excitement I get when I'm exploring a new place by myself; that grand sense of independence that can only come from discovering when you've become lost and correcting yourself or successfully navigating to a new place. The streets of Dublin would become familiar friends, their brightly colored doors and Georgian architecture painted in my memory as where I walked to class, my favorite place to run, or the pubs my friends and I would frequent. 

I think I can honestly say that I would not have been as happy studying abroad in any other place. I last minute decided to apply to the Trinity program in Dublin, considering Barcelona, Paris, and Rabat (Morocco), before settling on Ireland as my final choice. Maybe I know myself or maybe it was chance, but picking Ireland was one of the best decisions I've made. My first big takeaway from study abroad, is simply that Ireland is a place I will forever cherish and hope to one day return, maybe even again for an extended period of time. The lush fields, sweeping landscapes, and striking cliffs are all part of what make this country so aesthetically beautiful. While it really is incredible to see places like the Cliffs of Moher or the Ring of Kerry in person, what I feel I got from spending four months in Ireland was a sense of the culture. Viewing the Irish as a culture heavily centered around drinking, might at surface level be true (there really is a pub on every corner), but what I think this represents is not just the prevalence of alcohol, but the importance of camaraderie, in interacting with the barman or your neighbors. It isn't just about heading to the pub for a pint, it's about who you're heading to the pub with. The drinking culture, I think, can be viewed as a fundamentally friendly and sociable one. 

Aside from what I learned about Ireland, I think what I gained from study abroad was not just a multitude of information about a variety of European places, but a deeper understanding of how I see myself and how I interact with the world around me. Studying abroad taught me the wisdom to know when I should ask for help, and the courage to be assertive enough ask. It challenged me to believe in myself and to not give up in the face of adversity. It taught me that sometimes the most special moments in life come when you least expect it, from watching the sunrise on my way to Galway, to playing the piano in Shakespeare & Company in Paris. I learned that confidence isn't just about how others perceive you, it's about how you perceive yourself. 

What I think influenced me just as much or maybe more than traveling and exploring, was the people who were there to make this semester so memorable. From traveling around Europe to hiking around Dublin, I met an incredible array of people to whom I owe a great deal. It feels surreal that I spent four months with a group of people that won't be waiting for me in Rochester at the start of next semester. Making friends during study abroad is like making a second family, because if not for those people, you would be essentially alone in a foreign country. I was very lucky to meet a group of people that challenged me to explore, inquire, and consume copious amounts of food throughout Ireland and Europe. 

I think, like anything, study abroad is what you make of it. It's different for everyone. Some people travel outside their countries, while some people explore within their home countries. Some people remain more independent, and others form a network of friends. What I think the most important thing study abroad taught me, is that everyday you should be challenging yourself to experience something new in the world around you. There is beauty to be found in the simplest of things, whether that be a sunset on the way home from work or the calmness of a still summer night. Life is too short not to take time to appreciate the adventure of existing and to take risks that make that adventure all the more worthwhile. For me I think study abroad wasn't about finding myself, it was about becoming confident enough to express without reservation who I already knew myself to be. It was about taking risks that lead to one incredible adventure.  

There is a quote that has stuck with me since my arrival back in the states: 

"You get a strange feeling when you leave a place, like you'll not only miss the people you love, but you miss the person you are at this time and place because you'll never be this way again", Azar Nafisi

I think I keep coming back to this quote because it so perfectly describes what it feels like to leave Ireland after my fourth month long journey. I will never be the same person I was in Ireland these past four months, but I carry with me the lessons I learned and the connections I've made. While my time in Ireland was fleeting, the impact it has had on me will be eternal, and I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to experience the liberating independence of living abroad for four months. As I took my last glimpse of Dublin on the O'Connell Street bridge the morning of my departure, the melancholy of the previous day had dissipated. What I was left with, was an overwhelming resoluteness that this would not be the last time I gazed out over the Dublin cityscape. As said by Ireland's native son, James Joyce, "My heart is quite calm now. I will go back."

Travel far enough, you meet yourself

For my entire life I have wanted to travel to England. From using a British accent on regular occasions to incorporating English vernacular into my own, I have been reading, viewing, and learning, about England my entire life. From Pride and Prejudice to Agatha Christie novels to Harry Potter to name a few, I have been surrounded by fictional characters my entire life who called England their home. At the lowest points of my albeit relatively easy life, there were always books to ease the suffering of adolescence or the tumultuous tides of high school, words of comfort and strength in the bleakest of times. Movies have given a visual representation of those words throughout the years, and one in particular has played an influential role in my life. The Pride and Prejudice movie with Keira Knightly and Matthew MacFayden as Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy has been my favorite movie since I discovered it several years after its release when I was in 8th grade. Freshmen year of high school, I watched the movie on an almost biweekly schedule. I learned all of the soundtrack to the movie on the piano, and reread the novel several times.

My sophomore year of high school, on the first day of class my English teacher Mrs. Mason asked if we could live in any time period what would it be. Obviously, I chose 19th century England. Mrs. Mason proceeded to grill me on my choice, asking me whether I would really have liked to wear the attire of the day, which included corsets made of whale bone. I thought on that day that Mrs. Mason and I were not going to get along, but instead, she ended up being one of the most influential teachers I have ever had. What I didn't realize then, was that Mrs. Mason was challenging me to think critically about the historical context which I had chosen. Her approach to teaching was reminiscent of this first exercise, exposing us to a wide variety of different authors and encouraging us to discuss and question the various texts we were reading. (I will never forget the day that a student in my class called Lucy from A Tale of Two Cities insipid, and to my dismay, Mrs. Mason agreed).

In the words of Mrs. Mason, if I could have, I would have majored in reading. I state this and the previous anecdote as context for the role that books, and in particular Pride and Prejudice and its corresponding movie, have played in my life. When I decided I was going abroad, I had three places I wanted to visit. Paris, Barcelona, and England, all of which were partially for literary reasons. I say England, and not London, because it was not just one city that was important to me. It was the places that I had read about in Pride and Prejudice and seen in the movie for the past seven years. In the fall of last year, I decided I was going to translate this desire into a tangible trip, which I took to calling the Great Pilgrimage, because that is what it felt like. Time and money didn't allow me to pursue this pilgrimage in quite as much splendor as I would've liked, but I did get to take a remarkable trip to the center of England and the Peak District National Park, one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen.

I spent an amazing day in London, walking the city streets and seeing many of the major sights, even meeting up with a friend from school at the famous department store Harrods. After less than 24 hours in London, I was off, ready to embark for Sheffield, a city right in the middle of the country that abuts Peak District National Park. A one hour walk to Victoria Coach Station and a two and a half hour bus ride and I arrived in Sheffield, ready to head on a bike ride up to Stanage Edge, a location in the movie and a beautiful natural rock formation in the Peak District National Park. After a mishap with the air bnb woman I was renting a room from, I set off to the bike rental where I was able to rent a bike for 10 pounds.

After departing from the bike rental, I made my way up a very steep hill until I finally turned right onto the road that would take me all the way to Stanage. Despite this being one road, it was actually six miles of hills that never seemed to end. There were several times when walking my bike, yes walking my bike, up what felt like a vertical incline that I considered turning back down the seemingly endless sea of hills and winding road that lay in front of me. The weather was too hot for my dress and tights combo, not a great decision considering I was going to be biking 12 miles, and I ran out of water about 4 miles up the hill. I probably should have realized considering it is the peak district, that there was the potential that I could actually be ascending one of those peaks. Six miles later of biking and walking my bike several stretches, I finally came to a portion of the road that felt like it was descending slightly.

I biked down the hill and there it was. Stanage Edge. The most beautiful place I have ever seen. Biking down the hill I felt like Owen Wilson in Midnight in Paris (no one is going to get this reference but I'm going with it). "My name is Margaret Erin Anderle. I watched Pride and Prejudice every weekend for months freshmen year of high school. I am from Shaker Heights, Ohio. I am in England. I am looking at Stanage Edge." The euphoria I felt looking at what had taken me almost two hours of uphill biking to reach was unmatchable. I honestly couldn't believe that I was actually there, that I had actually made it. I reached the top of the mountain, I had done what I had said I was going to do months ago in Rochester, New York, and now I was in Devonshire, England, a central location in books I have read since elementary school. There are no words to truly describe that feeling, and I do not know if I will ever feel it again. From there, the day was only going to get better. I turned the last bend and ascended the last hill, locked my bike up, and proceeded down the path up to the incredible ledge that is the stretch of Stanage across the landscape of the Peak District. Once I made it up to the edge I spent time walking around, climbing the large rocks, and looked out onto the stunning landscape below me. I realized that it would eventually be nearing sunset, so I made the decision to stay and watch until the sun slipped behind the mountains. This is one of the best decisions I have ever made, possibly the best, because it allowed me to see the most beautiful sunset of my life. Rays of light glimmered on the rocks of Stanage, the sky a dazzling pink and blue, casting a hazy glow over the mountaintops behind the valley below.

There are some sunsets in life that you want to share with people, and then there are others that are best savored alone. Kept as your own private memory, they are a quiet introspection enhanced by the splendid beauty of the scenery around you. Stanage Edge was my own private sunset. It was glorified by the resounding satisfaction of knowing that what I was seeing was entirely of my own doing. I had boarded a plane, road two buses, navigated two cities, and biked up a mountain for that exact moment. That moment was mine, and it will stay one of my fondest memories. I think standing on that edge looking out at the English countryside aglow with the haze of the fading sun's rays, I realized the importance of independence. 

There is a quote, "Travel far enough, you meet yourself". Standing alone on that edge, I met myself. It isn't about how many places you travel or how long you go, it is about how far you are willing to let go of your inhibitions and truly experience the world around you. I can't tell you what I'm going to do after I graduate, I can't tell you what I'm going to do with my life, I can't even tell you what classes I'm taking in the fall, but I can tell you that I now know myself better than I ever have before. I know my insecurities and weaknesses, I know how to let myself reach beyond those things in order to grow and change, and I know that I am an independent and strong person that is capable of anything I set my mind to. Traveling isn't just about seeing the world, it's about navigating the world, and through that process, learning how to believe, with a tremendous fervor, in yourself. 

Me, a Piano, and Ernest Hemingway

After a long week of midterm papers interspersed with St. Patrick's Day in Dublin (which was absolutely nuts), I have finally had time to sit back and reflect on my final trip of reading week: Paris. After the whirlwind three city excursion of Prague, Budapest, and Vienna, I was starting to get a little weary by my early Friday morning departure from Dublin to Paris. After navigating our way from the small airport in Beauvais to the city of Paris, myself and my friend Julie, also studying at Trinity, were ready for a relaxing weekend of sight seeing in Paris. I've dreamed about going to Paris probably since I read and watched all of the Madeline books and movies as a child. Growing up, my desire to see Paris continued, and I even considered studying abroad there. With all of this build up, my expectations for the weekend were very high. I honestly didn't think it was possible for Paris to exceed my highly anticipatory expectations, but it managed to surpass them farther than I would've ever imagined. The weekend was filled with amazing food, friendly people, wandering the streets and seeing all of the major attractions. Rather than try and recount each incredible part of the four day trip, I've decided to share one particular moment, and include photos from throughout the four days.

On day two of our trip, we embarked to see Musee de Louvre, Musée de l'Orangerie (the museum where Monet's water lilies are exhibited), and the Musée d'Orsay. After we finished up our exploration of the museums we walked around outside Notre Dame, and then set off to find Shakespeare and Company, a famous bookstore that had been a favorite spot of many literary greats throughout the years. The bookstore was famously frequented by Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, James Baldwin, James Joyce, and Ezra Pound, and it was featured in the Woody Allen film Midnight in Paris (which happens to be one of my favorites). We had to wait in a queue to get into the store, and when we entered, again, all of my expectations were exceeded. It had a large selection of modern favorites and recently published volumes, as well as an extensive collection of used earlier published works, and a variety of different editions of most of the classics (in particular, probably because of his history with the store, there was a wide variety of different editions of Ernest Hemingway's works). We made our way from the first floor up to the second, during which three clearly American teenagers mistook me for french on my way up the stairs. Already flattered that three people thought I was trendy enough looking to pass as french, I perused the upstairs level which contained a variety of older memorabilia such as typewriters and nicknacks from the older days of the store. The upstairs houses the reading rooms where visitors can pick up a volume and explore its pages during their stay at the store. There is an old reading cubby as well as a variety of areas with beds that have been home to authors who at times over the store's history would stay at Shakespeare and Company during their time in Paris. When we made our way up the stairs and walked into the first reading room lined with shelves around the whole room, I immediately noticed a piano in the corner. I've played piano since I was seven years old and have been composing my own music since approximately the age of 10, and being abroad in Ireland for a little under two months at the time was the longest I have gone without playing the piano in 14 years. I went and asked a youthful, hip looking bookstore worker if people were allowed to play the piano, and she replied that it was open for use. With the encouragement of my friend Julie, I sat down at the piano and began to play a song I recently composed over my stay at home during winter break before my departure to Ireland. Playing the piano for me is like sitting down for a conversation with an old friend--no matter how long its been the sound of the keys churning out melodies I've written and recreated from others has a comforting familiarity. My favorite part about playing is that I very rarely write down my music anymore. I revisit melodies that I've created over my tenure of familiarity with the keys that I can combine and change to form something new every time. That day in Paris I started with a song from winter break, but ended up combining elements of all of my favorite melodies and parts of pieces so that I can now say I've played all of my favorite songs I've written not only in Paris, but in the second home of my literary idols. I'm not sure for how long I played. Once I get going on a melody I go where it takes me, and sometimes what feels like three minutes turns out to be ten minutes of improvisation that I wouldn't be able to recreate fully even if I tried. When I played the last few notes of my conglomeration of quintessential "me" melodies and themes, I turned around to a surprise that made that moment in Shakespeare and Company one of my most treasured memories. What had been an empty room aside from myself and my friend Julie sitting on a couch behind me when I started playing, was now a room packed with people, who upon the completion of my song burst out in applause. I was so surprised I didn't know what to do, so Julie suggested that I play another song. Never really having played for other people before (besides my sister who might have a different reaction to the melodies I constantly repeat at home on my piano throughout the day), it was unbelievable to not only have had people listen, but to have actually enjoyed something that I had created over so many years of playing just as an interlude from daily life. Playing the piano is such an essential part of who I am as a person, and it is hard to put into words what it meant to have people taking time out of their day to listen to what is fundamentally an expression of myself as an individual. I played a second and final song, doing my own take on Florence + the Machine's "Never Let Me Go" an ethereal ballad that is one of my favorite songs. The room was less full, but still had quite a few people there after the second song, and I thanked everyone for listening then made my way around the rest of the upstairs with Julie, still not really believing that had just happened. When we finished perusing the bookstore and made our way out into the brisk Parisian evening, Julie told me when I was playing the room was so packed she could hardly see me even though she was sitting right behind me at times, and that a whole slew of people kept ducking their heads in to see what was going on.

I think this story is reflective of my experience in Paris as a whole. Everything went even better than we had planned, and I can't wait to return to Paris one day and get to relive some of the incredible moments of the trip, including that unreal moment in Shakespeare and Company. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to get to take trips like Paris, although I was very happy to be back in my own bed in Dublin after a week and a half of travel. There is nothing quite like seeing Paris for the first time, especially after long years of anticipation. Paris is everything and more than I could've ever dreamed, a city pulsing with life and culture to which I owe four days of adventure and moments that I won't soon forget.

Julie and I at the Eiffel Tower on our first day. 

A shot of the Eiffel tower just before sunset.

Playing the piano in Shakespeare and Company.

The entrance to Shakespeare and Company.

Inside Versailles, one of the stops on our trip.

A shot from our walk along the Seine on our last day.

A Day in Bray

This weekend we decided to take a journey just outside the city to Bray. A seaside town about a 40 minute ride on the DART outside of Dublin, Bray is home to the childhood residence of the author James Joyce. Upon arriving on the DART, we took a trip up to Kilruderry House on the outskirts of Bray. The house has been used in a slew of movies and television shows, and today still operates as a farm. The house was unfortunately not open, but we took a stroll around the grounds on the picturesque country lanes around the property.

We headed back down to the waterfront where we grabbed lunch at the Porterhouse Bar, and then walked along the beach until we reached the ascent to Bray Head.

We then walked up the path to the Cliff Walk which connects Bray Harbour to Greystones Harbour. The path wound around the edges of the cliffs overlooking the railroad track below.

 

The Cliff Walk provided some spectacular views although we turned back halfway to walk back down to Bray Harbour, and we rewarded ourselves at the end of the day with ice cream and a walk along the waterfront. I loved Bray and I can't wait to go back again and finish the whole Cliff Walk.

 

A Day Trip to Howth

On a brisk January day my roommates and I set out from our flat to Pearse Station, the DART station next to Trinity in the city center. The DART, is a train that runs outside the city to several seaside towns, including our destination for the day, Howth. The Howth trip was one of the IES sponsored excursions outside Dublin. After the usual confusion of assembling a group of young adults, we all boarded the DART bound for the seaside village of Howth. The train ride was short and passed quickly, and soon we were off from the train station walking toward the Howth harbor. We paused to take photos in front of an inlet with houses situated up on the cliffs, and then took off for our hike up to the Howth Cliffs.



We walked up the steep streets to the path which wound its way around the cliffs.



Above, Maggie walks the path around Howth Cliffs.

The views from the path were absolutely stunning, and the hustle and bustle of Dublin, only a short journey away, was soon forgotten.



Eventually we rounded the path and traversed over a stone staircase, weathered into the path.


What started as a chilly January day had transformed into a brisk and sunny day on our lengthy hike. The sun was so bright it almost impeded my ability to take photos, as for a majority of the journey we were walking directly into the sun, with nothing but blue sky and blue ocean ahead. Once we rounded a few more turns, we ended up at an overlook above a pennisula stretching out past the cliffs, with a lighthouse poised at the bottom.




As we passed the lighthouse we turned to walk back on the path towards town, where we got lunch at O'Connell's. The trip was one of the highlights of my experiences here in Ireland so far, and I look forward to hopefully going back to explore Howth further.

An Introduction to Ireland

Here are a few photos from my travels so far. I'd say the highlight of my initial experiences thus far has been going to the seaside town of Wicklow, and walking up to an overlook with a small cliff strewn beach and viking ruins, from which you can see the whole city (see my coastal photos below). Walking around Dublin has also been a source of particular interest, seeing the different neighborhoods and the amazing architecture. The city of Dublin is extremely vibrant and welcoming, and has places to explore around every corner. Since being here I've gotten to see the Long Room at Trinity College (below), St. Stephen's Green, The National Art Gallery, Wicklow Gaol, Glendalough Monastery, a show at the Abbey Theater, and several other places. The Trinity College campus is absolutely beautiful, and I can't believe I will actually get to be taking classes there starting this week. 

Long Room at Trinity College Dublin

Above: A purple door in Dublin
Right: Cliffs at Wicklow

Above: Baggot Street in Dublin
Right: Entrance to St. Stephen's Green in Dublin

Above: Cliffs at Wicklow
Right: M and L section of the Old Library at Trinity

Left:
Steps in Viking ruins in Wicklow

Right: Glendalough Lake

Pre-Departure: The Waiting Game

As I sit down to write this post, it is December 31, 2014, and I am at my gate at the San Francisco airport waiting to board from San Francisco to Cleveland, Ohio. After spending 5 days in sunny California with my mom, sister, new step-dad, and step-brother, I am bound for home, and then, Dublin, Ireland. I will be leaving my friends, family, home college, and home country, to study at Trinity College Dublin for almost five months. Reflecting on my year in 2014, it was filled with much change. My mother moved from Cleveland to San Francisco with her fiancé, and got married. My sister is now a legal adult (watch out!), and I completed my sophomore year of college, marking the halfway point in my collegiate experience. It was a year that took many turns, started off on a negative foot in the harsh winter of Rochester, New York, but with the renewing nature of the spring, lead into a cheerful summer and fall which held happy memories, new friends, and a successful first, and only, semester at the University of Rochester for my junior year. The year held a transformative quality, marking a significant turn around in the way I see the world and relate to others. Given this year of change, it seems strange to think that 2015 could whole even bigger changes. 

As I sat at my favorite restaurant (Barrio in Tremont, Ohio) with my father last weekend and we talked about my eminent departure, I brought up a concept which I think is fitting to discuss in this post. I talked about the strange feeling one gets when waiting to embark on a journey which as identified by so many others will be life changing. Often life changing events hit us when we least expect it. With studying abroad, however, it is more like you are standing on a precipice waiting to free fall into the abyss of self discovery; waiting, to embark on an adventure, the course of which you could not possibly predict, and that you will not know until you’ve boarded your return flight home. The only catch, is that to proceed to this unknown course and free fall, it takes months of planning, applications, and organization to ensure you actually can get to the edge of the precipice. It’s hard to convey, but it’s kind of like planning something that according even to IES itself is “a life changing experience”, without your life changing until you actually set foot on the plane, not knowing by what means or influenced by what individuals that life changing experience will occur. 

For now, all I know is my suit case, duffle bag, and backpack are packed, and later today, my father will be dropping me off at the airpot to fly to Washington DC, where I will board a plane to Dublin, and finally, step off the ledge into the abyss of the unknown. With my passport in tow I’ll step off the plane in Dublin, Ireland, just a 20 something midwestern girl from Cleveland, Ohio ready to take on Europe and to discover, finally, where the course of my five month adventure will take me.